Executive Marriage Coach – Something’s Got to Change

Many times couples get stuck in patterns that keep them from experiencing the quality of marriage or relationship they desire.  I recently had a conversation with a couple who are stuck in a spot that feels lonely and unsatisfying.  What they were unable viagra see at first was that they were each creating the problem by withholding from one another the very things that would set them free. The first step for them was acknowledging this fact and then exploring the real causes of their behavior.  From there they were able to begin imagining something different.

It is our reactions to pain, hurt, and anger that prompt us to withhold from one another.  Couples withhold love, understanding, sex, money, respect, etc. because they feel hurt, resentful, scared, or anything else that results in self-protection.  There may be legitimate reasons for protecting oneself but moving forward requires a willingness to take a chance.  We usually want the other person to change first but that only means it will never happen.  We must be willing to look in the mirror and change our own behaviors and attitudes and reach out to bridge the gap.

If you are feeling stuck in a withholding pattern, reflect on the following questions.  Answer them as honestly as you can and then take a step towards change:
•    What is the one thing you are withholding from your partner that would make the biggest change if you didn’t withhold it?
•    Can you imagine letting go of what you are withholding?  No?  Try again!
•    What do you need to be willing to take the risk?
•    How do you want your partner to feel about him or her self?  About you?  About your relationship?
•    How can you positively impact how your partner feels?

Relationships are a system and when one of you makes a positive change the other must adjust.  The first reaction you get may not be very encouraging and may reinforce what you fear because systems resist change.  You have to persist over time.  In the process it is also important to ask for what you need and want and your sincere willingness to change will encourage your partner to change as well.  Let love and honor for yourself and your partner be your guide.