The Executive Marriage Coach – I Had to Laugh

I had to laugh at myself.  This weekend I took my mower into the shop for repair and they sent me home with a mower on loan so I could get the grass cut.  The mower was the same brand as mine, just a newer model.  When I got it home I couldn’t get it started.  I fussed and struggled and complained about the hardware store sending me home with a stupid mower that doesn’t start.  Finally I loaded it in my vehicle and went back to the store to get a different mower.  The salesperson came outside and started the mower right up.  The problem was, I had assumed this mower operated the same way as the one I own, but the bar to engage the self-propelled feature on the new model needs to be up, whereas on my old model it needs to be down in order to start the mower.  This was a frustratingly simple solution but it made me chuckle and got me thinking about assumptions and expertise.
I’m guessing you have had a similar experience where someone with expertise was able to show you a solution that changed your whole paradigm. This reminds of a recent situation that a client of mine was wrestling with.  She was feeling stuck in a job she hated and saw no way out.  Consequently she was depressed and unhappy and when she got home she would complain to her husband.  She was also upset with her husband because he seemed to withdraw from her and didn’t offer the support she was seeking.  I helped her understand that a man needs to know he can make his wife happy in order to feel like a man and not a failure.  When she went home and asked her husband about this she was surprised when tears started running down his face and he revealed the pain of not being able to help her change her situation.  This did not change her work situation but the emotional damn broke and she was now connected to the support she needed.
Don’t you just love expertise?  Sometimes I am too stubborn or too busy or whatever to ask for help, go the doctor, or call tech support when I know I should.  Inevitably I suffer needless consequences.   If you are also stuck in a relationship pattern that is painful, most likely there is an underlying assumption or a lack of understanding that is contributing to the problem.  Please go  leave your question or comment below.  I’m here to help.