Are You Ready for Awakened Monogamy?

If you are tuned in you may be noticing an evolution towards re-defining what marriage and deep intimate relationship is all about. There is a call to higher ground and the pathway is through your marriage. There is no other relationship that can touch you as deeply or stretch your capacity to be a loving and alive being in quite the same way. Read and ponder the following excerpt from “The Evolution of Intimate Relationship” by Robert Augustus Masters:

“For a very long time, intimate relationship was viewed and lived, with few exceptions, as an alternative — and not necessarily an equivalent alternative! — to spiritual life. There was the householder, and there was the spiritual seeker, and there wasn’t much overlap between them. As wide as this split was for men, it was even wider for women. Intimate relationship was something you did — or endured — until there was cultural permission to do something “deeper.”

Now there not only is a significant amount of cultural permission — small by conventional standards yet substantial enough to register on societal radar screens — for something “deeper” to happen within intimate relationship, but also an increasing pull toward it. So intimate relationship has, at its leading edge, become less a prelude to spiritual opening and awakening, and more a catalyst or crucible for it….

Awakened monogamy may sound wonderful, but how do we get there? After all, we can’t just read about it and then go live it. Much has to be done before this stage of monogamy is significantly available to us. For starters, we need to expose, face, and directly work — and not just cognitively! — with whatever is immature in us. We can’t, for example, remain emotionally illiterate or morally stunted if we want to be in a truly intimate relationship.

The passage from me-centered to we-centered to being-centered monogamy is not just a journey of ripening intimacy with a beloved other, but also a journey into and through zones of ourselves that may be very difficult to navigate, let alone get intimate with and integrate with the rest of our being”.
Challenging perhaps, but this represents a whole new world of meaning for your marriage as well as your own growth and awakening as a person. On August 24th life coach Mary Allen will be interviewing Robert and Diane Masters. Check it out: http://www.lifecoachmary.com/robertanddianemasters.htm

The Executive Marriage Coach – I Had to Laugh

I had to laugh at myself.  This weekend I took my mower into the shop for repair and they sent me home with a mower on loan so I could get the grass cut.  The mower was the same brand as mine, just a newer model.  When I got it home I couldn’t get it started.  I fussed and struggled and complained about the hardware store sending me home with a stupid mower that doesn’t start.  Finally I loaded it in my vehicle and went back to the store to get a different mower.  The salesperson came outside and started the mower right up.  The problem was, I had assumed this mower operated the same way as the one I own, but the bar to engage the self-propelled feature on the new model needs to be up, whereas on my old model it needs to be down in order to start the mower.  This was a frustratingly simple solution but it made me chuckle and got me thinking about assumptions and expertise.
I’m guessing you have had a similar experience where someone with expertise was able to show you a solution that changed your whole paradigm. This reminds of a recent situation that a client of mine was wrestling with.  She was feeling stuck in a job she hated and saw no way out.  Consequently she was depressed and unhappy and when she got home she would complain to her husband.  She was also upset with her husband because he seemed to withdraw from her and didn’t offer the support she was seeking.  I helped her understand that a man needs to know he can make his wife happy in order to feel like a man and not a failure.  When she went home and asked her husband about this she was surprised when tears started running down his face and he revealed the pain of not being able to help her change her situation.  This did not change her work situation but the emotional damn broke and she was now connected to the support she needed.
Don’t you just love expertise?  Sometimes I am too stubborn or too busy or whatever to ask for help, go the doctor, or call tech support when I know I should.  Inevitably I suffer needless consequences.   If you are also stuck in a relationship pattern that is painful, most likely there is an underlying assumption or a lack of understanding that is contributing to the problem.  Please go  leave your question or comment below.  I’m here to help.

Executive Marriage Coach – Work-Life Balance Survey

Recently I asked my readers in a survey for their thoughts on work-life balance and marriage.  The answers were loud and clear:
•    6 out of every 10 said that work-life balance issues are a big concern
•    Work-life balance is a greater concern for women than for men
•    7 out of every 10 who expressed concern about work-life balance indicated that their marriage is a critical factor
•    Deeper emotional connections and more time for fun and recreation were the most desired qualities

This may all seem obvious to you but there may be more going on here.  For example, Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook, talked in a recent interview about the fact that women are still significantly under-represented in top-levels of leadership.  Sandberg suggested that one of the key factors is inequality of responsibilities at home.  She further suggested that women play a role in this by holding onto and insisting on playing traditional feminine roles, and that we as a society have little sympathy for men who are stay-at-home dads.  So there are deeply ingrained attitudes that make it difficult for men and women to find a happy balance in the home, and consequently harmony between work and life demands.

If you are married and have a demanding career it is critical that you keep your marriage stable and happy. If you do, it will be your secure base where you can get supported and re-energized.  If your marriage is unhappy or has become short on intimacy and fulfillment, it will run you down over time.  We need to learn how to negotiate a balance of responsibilities from a place of love, honesty, and mutual respect.  This requires new perspectives on marriage and work priorities.

Survey feedback also indicated a strong preference for private coaching and for online home-study courses.  I am always interested in new clients as space allows so if you want to find out how I can help you achieve the balance and harmony you desire just let me know.  I am also working on an exciting online course that will incorporate the latest research and strategies for successful marriages.  Stay tuned.

Executive Marriage Coach – Online with Andrea

Had a great time talking with Andrea Garrison on her radio show today. Listen to the recording to understand the journey to deeper intimacy in your marriage and the path to your own recovery:

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