Love Triumphs

I woke up this morning with a clear thought in my mind, as if a voice was speaking:  ‘love triumphs’.  I’m not sure why it was there but I felt compelled to share these thoughts with you.  If you are willing to see, there are constant reminders of the power of love, in your life and the lives of others around you.  Even in the midst of darkness the light of love eventually prevails.  It may be hard to see and hard to understand at times but love is always present.  We tend to forget the times when love has held us and sustained us in the past.  But when we are able to see with the eyes of faith, peace comes and fear subsides.
I don’t know your situation but I’m sure some of you are dealing with your own struggles.  Whatever your challenge I encourage you to remember the times when love has sustained you.  Remember the people who care about you and are there to support you.  Remember what is most important and let go of that which does not serve you or your family.  Remember that this too shall pass.  Remember always, that love triumphs!

My Son-in-Laws Story

The Holidays are a wonderful time but for some they are also painful.  All of us go through hard times once in a while.  Please let me tell you about my son in law, Justin.  After a ten year battle with ulcerative colitis he finally had surgery this fall to remove his colon.  This meant about 3 months off of work with no income.  He is doing better and is back to work now and he and my daughter have been blessed by the love and generosity of family and friends.  Now, however, Justin needs a second surgery soon to complete the full recovery process and will be unable to work for another six weeks.  We are very optimistic about a full recovery but all of this has been quite stressful and has created financial hardship.  Thinking about how to help them out I have decided to offer you a way to do my family a favor by doing yourself a favor.
Here’s the deal.  As you may know I have an online course to help you improve your marriage called Re-imagine Marriage: The Heart of Work-Life Balance.  This is a seven week course you can do from the privacy of your home that is full of great tools to help you create the marriage you desire.  For example, would you like to improve your communication and conflict resolution skills?  That is covered in modules four and five.  In module six you will learn great ideas for renewing your passion and sexual intimacy.  For a limited time you can purchase this program at less than half price.  That’s right, for only $97 you can own this seven week course and transform your marriage.  Now is the time to do something great for your marriage and help out Justin at the same time.
Here is what you need to do to take advantage of this special opportunity.  Between now and December 21st simply click the link below for all the information about this course.  When you check out, type “Justin” in the coupon code box to obtain your discount.  All proceeds from this course will go to help Justin cover costs of his recovery.  Click here now.
If you’d like to see a FREE sample module from this course then click here and enter your name and email.  After watching this free module, return to the sales information page and follow the instructions above.  There is absolutely no risk and I guarantee you will learn skills and tools to improve your relationship.
On behalf of my daughter and son in law, thank you in advance!

It’s Not About Sex

Do you sometimes feel an aching hunger in the pit of your stomach? It is a deep longing for something to fill the void you sense is there. One client recently described it as a clenching in his gut and a desperate emptiness with a compelling urgency to fill it. Unfortunately, he like many of us misinterpreted the feeling and what he really needs.
This hunger is more intense for those who feel lonely and alone in life, when they allow themselves to feel at all. For many, this loneliness seems like it has been there forever. It is, in essence, the human need for dependency, love, and attachment. If you were well cared for as a young child you probably feel more confident and independent but you still have those moments. If you did not feel secure and bonded to both parents then those moments will be more frequent and more intense.
Many times, like my client, you attach more to the parent of the opposite gender, which can create some identity issues. For example, if a boy identifies with his mother he may find himself rejecting his own masculine energy and becoming more dependent on female approval and affirmation. The inner hunger is then interpreted as sexual desire and he strives for sexual and emotional fusion with a woman, assuming he is heterosexual. Over time he realizes this does not satisfy his deeper desire, but often has no idea what to do except seek out more female connection.
Here are some suggestions for you to meditate on:
• Recognize that your need is not really sexual, it is emotional and spiritual
• Rather than trying to make the feeling go away, turn toward it with an open mind and heart
• Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. Feelings are not the problem
• If you experience sadness or anger or fear, just sit with it and allow yourself to process it
• You can’t go back and get what you missed as a child so you must learn to love, accept, affirm, and validate yourself
• Share your pain with your partner but don’t expect him or her to fix it for you
• Just the act of honestly feeling and sharing your pain allows you to move forward
• Refuse to indulge in self-pity or self-condemnation. Instead, have compassion for yourself and then let it go
• Seek out healthy relationships with others. Being accepted and affirmed by a friend of the same gender can help you experience and express your own masculine or feminine energy
• There is a natural spiritual hunger also that is experienced at the core of your emotional self
• Open yourself to your own spirituality and connection with the divine as it is revealed to you
• Recognize that all you need is to relax and be yourself. You cannot be anyone else anyway.

I Finally Figured Him Out!

 I finally figured him out. I know what he really wants – to be nurtured in a motherly way. If I kiss his head, hold him tight and let him feel loved he eats it up. I guess this makes sense based on lack of love from his own mother when he was a kid.
This flash of insight came from a client of mine who has been working on her own development for some time. Feeling pushed into marriage before she was really ready, she held resentment inside and resisted the idea of loving her partner in ways that meet his needs and communicate in his love language. She came to realize she now has choices and one is to leave or stay. Having made the conscious choice to stay in her marriage, at least for now, allowed her to be more open to finding ways to make it work. She decided if she’s going to be in this marriage she might as well try to be happy and have the best marriage she can. As she took responsibility for her own choices, behavior, and attitudes, things began to improve. She started listening to what his words and actions communicated about his needs and desires. She started to take more action, such as being willing to sit with him and cuddle on the coach. But when she followed her instincts and started to caress him like she would nurture a child then the magic happened. His attitude changed, his mood brightened and he wanted to make her happy in return.
Her love language is gifts, and she is aware of how this was conditioned by her mother and family. She has learned there are many other ways to give and receive love but she still feels special when someone thinks enough of her to buy her a thoughtful gift. As it so often happens, it is hard for her husband to express love in this way because he is tight with money and it seems frivolous to spend it on things they don’t really need. To her this feels controlling, which frustrates her and make her feel unloved. However, when she started being more nurturing, he suddenly loosened the wallet and started to buy her little things to show his affection and appreciation.
What is getting in your way of meeting your partner’s primary needs and desires? You may be thinking that it is ridiculous to treat your husband like a child but that is not the point. This client knows her husband needs to stand on his own feet and learn to manage his own emotions and in most ways he is quite independent. But, making the choice to love and nurture him in ways that feel good deep down while maintaining respect for herself and him is a healthy expression of affection. We can’t leave our dependency needs behind until we find constructive ways to get those needs met and then grow beyond them. The beauty of intimate relationships is that they contain the potential to help us become the best of who we are.
Meditation: Is there something within me that is resisting loving my partner in ways that will help him or her be happier and healthier? I will respond with patience and love to myself and my partner and allow room for both of us to grow and mature.