Executive Marriage Coach – The Eyes of an Angel

April 15, 2010 by  
Filed under coaching, marriage/relationships

The Eyes of an Angel

I asked a couple that I have been coaching for a while to look deeply into the eyes of one another and tell me what they saw.  The husband looked at his wife for a moment and said “I see the eyes of an angel”.  What is remarkable is this is a couple who has worked through infidelity and some other tough issues and are now emotionally healthier and more connected than ever.  They are learning what it feels like to be in quadrant 4 of the Dynamic Marriage Map.

I have previously written about the Dynamic Marriage Map I created to help articulate the stages and dynamics of marriage and other intimate relationships.  Quadrant four of the Dynamic Marriage Map speaks to the possibilities and fulfillment of a marriage in which two people have worked through enough of their developmental issues to reach a higher level of maturity and have also nurtured a high level of connection.  This stage is characterized by interdependence, co-commitment to the wholeness of each other, high intimacy, and spiritual connection.  It is hard to consistently live at this level and it requires ongoing learning and growth.  Making the commitment of a lifetime journey opens up new depths of possibilities.

There are things you can do to strengthen your relationship muscles and move to quadrant four.  Some are individual work on your own growth, such as developing your understanding of your strengths, talents and needs, as well as your limitations.  You can also focus directly on building good feelings and intimacy between the two of you.

One practice my wife and I have done over the years to strengthen our relationship is to schedule get away weekends at least a couple of times a year.  These are weekends with no commitments other than to be with each other, typically at a nice hotel or bed and breakfast.  Our only agenda is quiet time and connection.

Some crucial elements for deeper connections are:
•    Take time strictly for each other.  Talk about your hopes and dreams for your lives together.  Leave the computer and smart phone off.
•     Look deeply into one another’s eyes.  That may sound corny but when is the last time you really looked at each other?  Seeing love and acceptance in the eyes of someone who knows you intimately is deeply healing and affirming.
•    Speak the words of affection that you feel.  Take the risk of being honest and transparent.
•    Listen intently to one another.  Also listen to the voice from within that softly affirms “this is where I belong”.

As always, for more information on the Dynamic Marriage Map or coaching, please contact me.  I’d love to guide you on your journey.

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