Executive Marriage Coach – The Secret to Changing Your Spouse

The secret to changing your spouse

We have all heard that you can’t change anyone but yourself.  That doesn’t stop most of us from trying however.  The ways in which we do try to change our spouses always seem to backfire because the underlying message is “you are not good enough”, which is what they already feel anyway so the natural response is defensiveness.

I have come to believe that while we can’t force, seduce, or manipulate anyone to change; we can create conditions that provide the support and freedom for people to change, if they decide to.  Changing is a process of healing and becoming whole.   Consider this quote from Marianne Williamson: “We heal when we feel forgiven.  We heal in the presence of compassion.  If you really want someone to change, the miracle lies in your ability to see how perfect they already are.  We miraculously heal in the presence of someone who believes in our light even when we are lost in our darkness.  And when we learn to see others in the light of their true being, whether they are showing us that light or not, then we have the power to work that miracle for them.”

Understanding what Marianne is saying and putting it into practice requires that you first realize that you too are perfect in your true self.   You need to reconnect with your own light and see yourself with compassion.  This requires conscious and deliberate spiritual practice.  In the words of Marianne again, “Spiritual practice is key to our power as light-bearers, for we cannot extend peace if we do not cultivate it.  Our thoughts and attitudes need persistent training in a world so intent on convincing us that we are who we are not and that we are not who, in fact, we are.  The thinking of love is completely opposite the thinking that dominates this world; that is why we must be constantly reminded of the light”.  Do a simple daily practice of intentionally reminding yourself of the light within you and within your spouse and then act as if you really believe it.  Keep practicing if you don’t see changes because most of the time healing takes loving consistency and honesty over time.  In any event, love is its own reward.